


The Dead and the Fart

by cheaterzDivorce2021



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellarke Endgame, F/M, Season 7 rewrite, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29001723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheaterzDivorce2021/pseuds/cheaterzDivorce2021
Summary: The most epic love story of our generation. Slow burning for 7 years... they are NOT platonic. We did NOT misinterpret. And we are NOT delusional. Delinquents grab your wristbands!
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Bellarke - Relationship
Comments: 52
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

One day Clarke Griffin shot Bellamy Blake in the heart, killing him instantly (Dead). Then she released so much flatulence into her tight leather pants that she floated off the planet (Fart).

The End.


	2. The Bread and The Dart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to my fav commenter and #1 fan, dropshipbellarke. This one's for you!

One day Bellamy Blake's rotting corpse, left behind by his best friend after she shot him in the heart and killed him, started to develop a smelly white mold, much like a week old baguette (Bread). Meanwhile in outerspace, Clarke Griffin floated right into a jagged asteroid and started to plummet back down to Earth as her pants were popped by the sharp point (Dart).

To be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait between chapters, I had to finish all of high school... but I did! So now I'm the smartest and can officially write whatever I want!


	3. play journalism

One day in Mount Weather, Dante Wallace said "I bare it so they don't have to" and then Clarke Griffin shot him dead. Then she exclaimed "I bare it so they don't have to". He came back to life and said "why are you plagiarizing me? I'm the villain. Also, if you want to kill someone make sure you shoot them in the heart so they stay dead. Not everyone can be revived by magical aliens." 

Then Clarke Griffin said "No, I'M the villain" and shot her best friend Bellamy Blake in the heart because she wanted him dead. Maybe she shouldn't have adopted the mantra of the villains for herself... Anyway, she considered grabbing the book but decided that she'd rather do literally anything else, and promptly left, turning into a floating green head with crinkle-cut-French-fry-hair and started farting so much that she started spinning out of control.

To be continued...


	4. 2199 Rodeo calls

Bellamy Blake was deeply in love with Bill Cadogan a.k.a the Shepard. If 'My Shepard' asked Bellamy to do something, he would do it - no matter what. He threw all his morals and beliefs out the window so he could be fully devoted to his new lover. Even if that meant betraying his closet friend, nay, especially if that meant betraying his closest friend!

"Get this one to mcap!" Bellamy screamed devotedly. As the other disciples dragged Clarke Griffin down the hallway to be tortured she screamed "go float yourself. You are even more ridiculous that that stupid outfit. And you smell bad!"

Bellamy chuckled darkly. "heh heh whatever the hell we want".

Once Clarke was strapped into the chair she decided that there was no need to form a plan. Bellamy wouldn't let them torture her until she was covered in sweat and blood. Of course, she would still kill him given the chance, but HE wasn't allowed to disregard Wanheda's needs. This was just a bluff. Unfortunately, it was not just a bluff. Bellamy stood by and did nothing as Bill invaded her mind and Clarke could do nothing but bleed from her head as she tried to resist while her former best friend just stood there like an overgrown marshmallow.

Suddenly the static screen started to display an image as faint 'neighh'ing could be heard. Oh no! They had secretly accessed the Rodeo Calls that were hidden away in her mind. A love confession was imminent. 

"Thank you Disciple Blake. This is exactly what we wanted. I love you" said Bill Cadogan.

"I love you too" Bellamy screamed devotedly.

Then Clarke summoned all her strengthen and Wanheda powers to pull out her trusty gun and started killing everyone. Starting with Bellamy's new bff who had replaced her, Steve Beardcave. His lifeless body fell to the floor. Bellamy was so mad. How dare Clarke do that. Madi would pay (but he couldn't seem to find her. Word on the street is she transcended).

"For my Shepard" Bellamy said as he was shot through the heart by Clarke. And then he died. Clarke holstered her gun and said "good thing I had recorded those 2199 Rodeo Calls. A perfect plot device." Cadogan then reminded her that she was still strapped into the chair and he killed her for being an idiot. He shot her multiple times just to be sure. 

"Pencils down" he said solemnly.

To be continued...


	5. Access Denied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one goes out to a very special someone. You know who you are.

One day Clarke Griffin shot her best friend Bellamy Blake through the heart. When Madi Griffin, chip extraordinaire, heard this she immediately asked Clarke “why?" 

Clarke responded “I did for you! And your coloring book!”.

Madi was so mad “I never asked you to do that! I hate you!” .

Clarke reflexively reached for the shock collar remote she loved using, but alas Madi was freed from the collar. She would have to resort to other means “tu autem, cum nidore Victus” Clarke screeched at Madi, hoping to eject the chip from her mind. Nothing happened.

Madi stood up and proclaimed “you can’t get in here mom! I’ve changed the password and I’m not giving it to you! Even if you sent a password reset email, you’ll never get in or have control!”. 

Clarke was so mad that she turned completely red in the face and exploded on the spot. 

To be continued…


	6. the pits!

One day Clarke Griffin turned in her best friend Bellamy Blake to Blodreina Blake, betraying him and ratting him out to protect her own skin (and her daughter who she can’t seem to keep track of). 

Clarke visited Bellamy before the upcoming death match. “This all could have been avoided but sadly it has come to this. You have such a big, greasy pit stain, Bellamy, you can’t be afraid to use it. I’ve never smelled an odor as foul and nauseating as yours.” And with that, she slapped him hard across the face and sashayed away. 

The next morrow, Bellamy was in the fighting pit. He armed himself with a sword and raised it above his head, ready to strike. But as he lifted his arms, his gross smelly odor wafted across the arena. All his opponents inhaled it and were instantly knocked out. He had won his freedom, he could live! 

But then Wanheda jumped down from the rafters and aimed her gun right at his heart. “I wasn’t about to let some nobody take my kill” she snarled as she pulled the trigger and shot Bellamy through his heart. "There are no good guys" she lamented as she watched the blood pour from his wound, engulfing his greasy pit stain. “Now, where is Madi?” Clarke pondered as she fiddled with the shock collar remote in her hand. Then she farted and the combined noxious fumes blasted her through the ceiling and off into the sky. 

To be continued…


	7. Favorite Things

One day Clarke Griffin decided to organize her most prized possessions which she kept displayed on her mantle. She took inventory. One chip, one book, one gun. All here. She treasured these objects more than her best friend Bellamy Blake who she shot dead through his heart. That was a special day, she utilized two of her most prized possessions, her gun and her book. She would, of course, never endanger the chip. Ever. 

After Bellamy Blake’s rotting corpse decomposed into the soil of Sanctum, Clarke decided to plant some seeds so that new life could grow from Bellamy Blake's sacrifice. She planted the seeds into the ground and sang her murderous lullaby to them, knowing one day they would be the most beautiful pineapples in all the universe. 

To be continued…


	8. Modern AU

One day Clarke Griffin was running late for her murder seminar. She was expected to teach the class in only ten minutes. As she was saying goodbye to her beloved daughter and chip, she got dressed in a hurry and ran out the door. 

In the middle of her lecture, Clarke asked the students for a volunteer to assist her with a practical demonstration. Bellamy Blake, her inappropriate student best friend, raised his hand. Clarke had him come onto the stage. “Everyone take good notes” she said. Then she pulled a gun out of her saggy granny boobs (she knew it was a good day to go braless) and shot Bellamy through his heart. 

Then Clarke ran over to his sister and demanded that Octavia hug her and comfort her. “I tried everything. It was my only choice” she over-exaggeratedly fake sniffled to her. 

“ah, only choice… an oxymoron” Octavia said. 

“How dare you call me a moron!?” Clarke screeched. And she killed her too. 

To be continued…


	9. Planes are Bardo helmets

One day Clarke Griffin lured all her friends on a private getaway. They traveled to their destination via private jet and it was the only way on or off the deserted island they arrived at. Once everyone had gotten off the plane and took in their surroundings, Clarke said "this island is our new home. Everyone who is from here is here" and blew up the plane. She destroyed it and smashed it to pieces, so no one could ever leave. “I decided for everyone. That's what I do.” she firmly declared.

Her friends were furious. “what the hell?” exclaimed Bellamy Blake, her best friend who was often at the forefront of her abuse and manipulation.

“No, you’re not allowed to be mad or have any self-respect” said Madi “the commanders told me you _have_ to forgive her for literally anything she ever does. You are not allowed to be upset or stand up for yourself when she fires a gun at you or when she slaps you in the face or when she leaves you to die. That’s just her being a badass momma bear. Deal with it.”

“oh ok” said Bellamy Blake. “I can tell our relationship is really meaningful and important because I’m not allowed to hold her accountable for anything, even when it directly negatively impacts me and my family.”

“That’s absolutely right” Clarke said as she advanced towards Bellamy with her gun aimed at his heart. Before he could open his mouth and say anything, she fired it. He was blocking her sun and she wanted a tan. He dropped dead and when her friends tried to see if he was ok she shot them all too. “I did this for you Madi” Clarke said. Madi quickly called child services in order to emancipate herself but there was no signal on the island. Madi then whipped out a magic edible nanochip (that she conveniently never mentioned before and which previously actually hadn’t existed) and swallowed it. She disappeared and Clarke was so mad with anger that she could no longer make decisions for her friends and Madi that she exploded in a cloud of horrible smelly gas.

To be continued...


	10. Slow Burn

One day Clarke Griffin locked eyes with her best friend, Bellamy Blake. She was overcome by a feeling. A feeling that could only be described as eye-contact-induced slowburn. In her heart. Heartburn. Looking at how greasy Bellamy is made Clarke get heartburn from across the room. 

She had to find a solution, this feeling was unbearable. She pulled her gun out of her boobs and shot Bellamy Blake through his heart. He dropped dead instantly. As his body hit the floor, she released a humongous fart, and as soon as it had come on, so it faded away. And Clarke was freed from her aching heartburn. 

To be continued…


	11. The Hotdog Taster and His Grill-Friend

One day, at the annual Arkadia campfire cookout, Clarke Griffin decided to cook a meal for all her friends out of the generosity of her heart (and NOT because she needed to persuade them all that she wasn’t a selfish, horrible person who only cares about herself). Arkadia, known for its plentiful abundance of radiated wild animals, had developed a traditional dish known as the Hot Dog. Clarke was enamored with this dish because its shape resembled the barrel of a gun. 

Armed with her trusty killing gun, which she never went anywhere without, she started barbequing up some salted meat she got from Niylah as well as some questionable other meat she got from Blodreina Blake. 

“mmmm that smells like meat” said her best friend Bellamy Blake. 

“Here, have this one” Clarke said as she shoved her crispy, black, obviously-burnt, and charred-beyond-recognition first attempt at him. 

“Over the teeth and through gums to grandmother’s house we go or something” Bellamy said as he hesitantly took a small bite of the hotdog. He immediately started gagging. Clarke glared at him, fired a warning shot at his head, and walked away. 

Park Ranger Diyoza suddenly appeared. “Hey! Open fires and cookouts are forbidden in Eden National Park!”. She turned to her junior Deputy Ranger, McCreary and menacingly said, 

“Kill the hotdog taster and his grill-friend.” 

“Wait!” Clarke said before anyone could move. “Please allow me to join you, I love to betray my friends and help the bad guys!”. 

Clarke then proceeded to pull out her gun and shoot Bellamy Blake through his heart. Then she threw her cooking gasoline all over the ground and torched Eden National Park, destroying the last survivable land on Earth. “You may be the Park Ranger, but I’m in charge” Clarke threatened singsong-ily as she sashayed away over Bellamy’s crispy, charred corpse and disappeared into the smoke.


	12. Bang Bang Shrimp

One day, Clarke Griffin shot her best friend Bellamy Blake in the heart, killing him dead. Clarke then lowered her gun and whispered one last message to him as he took his final breath. 

“Tell Raven I said Bang Bang”


	13. A Valentine's Day Story

One day, Clarke Griffin saw her best friend Bellamy Blake run into the arms of Echo Icegeda. Bellamy and Echo kissed each other passionately while Clarke stood in the background of the shot. Clarke started at them longingly, disregarding Madi and throwing her to the ground as she marched towards them. 

“I am so jealous!” Clarke screeched at them and she pulled her gun out of her hair and pointed it at Bellamy’s heart. She pulled the trigger and Bellamy dropped dead. 

“I want to be with Echo!” Clarke said, “Echo, please come comfort me I’m so distraught over killing Bellamy for literally no reason!”. 

Echo looked at Clarke, then glanced at Madi on the ground who motioned for her to run away as fast as she could. Echo bolted. She was a spy and Clarke would never find her. 

Clarke defeatedly kicked at Bellamy’s corpse, she would have to work on her game if she truly wanted a chance with Echo. Guess she was pretty rusty after 6 years alone. 

To be continued...


	14. Greasy Bellami Sandwich

One day, Clarke Griffin left her best friend Bellamy Blake to die in a fighting pit. And he did. “They made their choice” could be heard echoing through the halls. The next, day she came back to the bunker to broker peace with Blodreina Blake. They met in the café area, as all world leaders do. As they say to discuss terms, Blodreina Blake told Clarke that the chef had prepared a special fresh sandwich for them to share (rationing was second nature to Wonkru). 

Clarke took one look at the grease dripping from the sandwich and proclaimed “I’d recognize that grease anywhere”, then she ate half of it in one bite. “mmm what a delicious Bellami sandwich!”. Then she stole Blodreina Blake’s half, stuffed the whole thing in her mouth, and farted her way out of the bunker because the greasy sandwich did not agree with her. “Omon gon oson” Clarke yelled as she locked all of Wonkru in the bunker. “I hope there’s ventilation in there”.

To be continued...


	15. butt the ending

One day, Clarke Griffin saw her BFFL Bellamy Blake walking down the street minding his own business. His presence made Clarke irrationally angry and filled her with Wanheda energy and the insatiable desire to kill. Luckily for Bellamy, Clarke left her trusty killing gun at home. Unluckily for Bellamy, nothing would stop Clarke from willingly killing him when she doesn't have to and could literally do anything else.

She grabbed a pineapple out of her butt and beat Bellamy to death through the heart with it. Clarke took a bite out of the bloody pineapple and proclaimed "my favorite flavor, I love pineapples!". Then she fled the scene of the crime.

To be continued...


	16. Spam Risk

One day, Clarke Griffin pulled out her radio and dialed the Ring. “This is Clakre Griffin. It’s day 2,112 and I ate four bugs today. Bellamy, my best friend, if you can hear me, I thought of you when I threw up after eating them. It reminded me of you and your putrid stench. Anyway, I don’t know why I still do this every day. Actually yes I do, I need to let the audience know how I’m feeling inside without talking to myself like a crazy person. It’s called exposition.” Clarke turned off her radio and stared up into space. She pulled out her gun and fired a bullet into the air just for fun because she’s spontaneous like that. She watched the bullet soar away and disappear from view as it pierced the heavens. 

Meanwhile in space, Emori turned to the group enjoying their algae lunch and took off her headphones, tired from the day’s work of monitoring their communications. She sighed as she said “guys, this stupid telemarketer won’t leave us alone! I’ve been rejecting this same number’s call for literal years! Take a hint, we’re not interested!” They all nodded in response. Bellamy got up and walked towards the window to look down at the planet below. Suddenly a bullet flew through the window and through Bellamy’s heart. He dropped dead instantly. Spacekru was in shock but they knew what that message meant. “Clarke is alive!” Raven exclaimed through happy tears. Spacekru all shared a group hug and then began to patch up their window. “Now we know we need to stay up here until she dies for good” Murphy said as they got to work. 

To be continued…


	17. Instagramcrackers

One day, Clarke Griffin was scrolling through Instagram while sitting on her brick-reinforced recliner chair and had the undeniable urge to release a massive fart (she really should stop eating 600 pounds of Phish Pood Gelato before bed). As Madi passed out from the toxic fumes, Clarke left a comment on her bestie gal-pal soulmate, and greatest love-of-her-life, Cassandra’s Instagram. Cassandra replied to all of her other friends’ lovely comments except for Clarke’s. All of the comments were left at the same time and only Clarke’s was left on read. Utterly ignored and becoming increasingly more desperate to leech off of Cassandra’s fame and success, Clarke posted her secret weapon – a super old photo of them together being besties and looking high af. Clarke wanted to pander to a certain audience and has absolutely NO shame, her social media team advised her that likes and selling out for clout were more important than personal integrity (of which she has none). Then she posted one more photo being extra #relatable baking a fancy 2-Scallop pie she was going to eat all in one sitting for breakfast the next day after killing her best friend Bellamy Blake by shooting him through the heart. She signed out with her signature motto and trademark fart mantra - Pee Smell Pee Mind. 

To be continued...


End file.
